motherhood anniversary

Today is Ethan's 8th birthday, or as I refer to it, my motherhood anniversary. This week while chaperoning a field trip of Elliot's class, another mother and I started talking, and we realized that our oldests were both born on May 9, 2000. And then we made the connection that we both became mothers on the exact same day. It was a powerful moment of connection and we both got a little teary eyed. Before Ethan was born, my brother the doctor told me that I should definitely keep the baby in the room with me, and not send him off to the nursery. Ethan was born after 21 hours of labor at around 6am, and then I was so jazzed that I didn't get to sleep until that night, but demanded the baby stay in the room with me. During that first night as a mother, I remember hearing a baby wailing as I tried to sleep, and as it woke me up, I thought, "What kind of mother would let her baby cry like that??" And then with all the force of a frying pan to the face, I realized that it was of course was my baby, but more to the point, I was that kind of mother. In my woozy state, I had totally forgotten I'd had a baby, and it was now my job 24/7 to be there for this child. As I sat up and picked him up and comforted him, I began to realize how delusional I was before childbirth -- how I wanted to be there, bright eyed and bushy tailed, at every moment, but didn't realize that my own limitations (only one example being utter exhaustion) will prevent me from being "perfect."

No, it didn't take me 8 years to realize I'm not perfect -- in fact, as you can see, it took me less than 24 hours. But I think I just recently realized that my kids don't need perfect -- they need me. A great quote I read the other day, “There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one." Today, as I have a sore throat and an upset stomach because the stress of Cort's PhD finally got to my immune system, I realize that as long as I don't get in the way of Ethan being happy and problem free for his birthday today, he will probably have a great day -- and that even if I don't make a terrific cake or come up with interesting games for his friends coming over or get him all the things he's asked for, he will still have a great day. And that kid -- he's so incredible. He deserves the best birthday -- and I think he'll have it. It's all a state of mind, people.

By the way, both Elliot and Claire spent a few hours in the nursery on that first night. What is it they say? Insurance copay for childbirth: $200. Baby layette: $150. Childbirth class: $300. Getting one night of beauty sleep after childbirth so that a sweet, caring, highly trained professional can rock the baby, change the baby's diaper, and bring the baby right to mom when hungry: Priceless.