Bad parenting

There are moments in this life when I have watched what I assumed was a mother or father and seen some heinous act done to a child or in the name of the child.  For example, at a Target, I once saw a mother encourage, in fact practically thrust a store item in the fist of her infant and then hide it under the baby's blanket in the infant carrier.  I've seen my share of yelling, shaking, slapping, pushing of parents to their children outside schools, playgrounds, streets, and in and out of grocery stores.  And my motto is: if you're yelling at and grabbing and shoving your children in front of God and everybody, what are you doing to them at home, where the rest of us who were raised in a shame-based home are just yelling at our kids?

I've had conversations through the years with my friends: what if it was required to get a license to be a parent?

We need a license to drive a MiniCooper - the teeny weeny car that practically drives itself and even has a little camera when you pull into reverse and beeps when you get close to hitting another car... And we only operate cars on average like 2 hours a day.  And that is just to prevent you from hurting yourself and anyone who is foolish enough to choose to spend time with you!!  We need a license to do many of the professional jobs we do.  But anybody with fertile loins can be a parent.

I'm not saying that even when I was all jigged up on this idea that people who failed this parenting license had to abort or give up their babies upon birth.  They would just have to retake the licensing exam over and over until they passed, taking (many) parenting classes after class to learn about parenting (and think of the money the state would rake in by charging these inept parents!!  The parenting classes would pay for themselves!)   Parenting classes about safety, health, nutrition, positive parenting style over negative discipline, early childhood education, a class to memorize all the needless statistics that I personally can't stop thinking about -- anecdotes about things like how they should be coddled just enough but not too much, the cautions doctors have too many siblings, the cautions about not enough siblings, throw out cute baby bumpers in case it might contribute to SIDS.... Oh, and we can't forget about all the ways to prevent your child from being kidnapped, an overall familiarity with crime statistics in your neighborhood (please memorize the addresses of all the sex offenders in your general area for the final), the recent ratings of the nearby schools.  Then there's the statistics about reading to children:  how reading to them every night increases SAT scores, but then if you do then it gets them in the habit of needing to read to fall asleep so they stay up reading far after you've fallen asleep.  Oh, and are they learning to read too late in life, or but are they reading too early?  Might they have Asperger's?  There must be a unit on "Bad Influence Friends: But Careful About Being Too Judgy".  Basically I picture a survey course that encapsulates all these thoughts (and more!) that roll around in my head and keep me up at night -- I'll call this class: "Worry 101: If You Worry Enough, These Disastrous Things Won't Happen."  Because if I have to think about all these things every day, then EVERY parent should have to think about these things.  This licensing process would be renewed once a year or once every two years or maybe every time you wanted another kid.  Or whatever.  I hadn't really planned it out.

Yes, I was a big advocate of licensing parents until I realized I wasn't such a banner parent myself.  I haven't taught my children to shoplift, but I have taught them to fill their pockets with candy from home before going to the movies (because I have principles -- I want to teach my kids not to pay $7 for junior mints).  But of course, what would the Ethics portion of the parenting license test say about that?.  As my kids grow into tweens and teens I lecture loudly (yes, that's the ticket) more and cuddle less, because I'm petrified they will make a mistake-- I have made many, an adolescent and as a young mom.  I will not list every horrible thing I've done (although the up and running blog is most likely a vehicle for just that), but here's a doozy that the Licensing Committee would most likely revoke at least some of my parental rights for.  Watch the following video labelled Donkey Song.  My Char:  the one in the white dress with the polka dots wanted so badly to participate in this concert that against my better judgment I let her go.  Then the next day I took her to the doctor (after, in my defense having taken her to the doctor twice).  She really wanted to sing the donkey song.  So I let her:

Donkey song


She had pneumonia.

Maybe we're all just feeling our way through the dark.