rainbows in the high desert air: Elliotisms

Monday, February 23, 2009

Elliotisms

At dinner Monday -- total non-sequitur: "Did you know? We're made of roast beef and skin."

During Disney's Scene It, the question was, "What Disney Princess said, 'They can't keep me from dreaming." Elliot quickly answered, "Easy! Sleeping beauty! C'mon! Get it? Dreaming? Sleeping beauty!" Unfortunately, he was wrong, it was Cinderella. I finally calmed him down by telling him I'd write to the Disney people about how ridiculous it was the Sleeping beauty didn't say that line. I actually think I will.

At dinner tonight:
Ethan: Say Ford 5 times. (Elliot does so.)

Ethan: Spell Ford 3 times. (Elliot does so.)

Ethan: Say Ford 2 more times. (Elliot does so.)

Ethan: What do you eat soup with?

Elliot: Crackers!

"I just can't help it. I'm a funny guy."

3 comments:

Doreen said...: And funny he is!!! Haha!; February 23, 2009 at 9:05 PM
Kim Johnson said...: Jakson thinks so too.; February 24, 2009 at 9:30 PM
Niki said...: Your kids crack me up!; March 5, 2009 at 4:20 PM

kids say the darnedest...

2012
April 14: Charlotte (almost 3) showing me her action figures: "This is Strawberry Shor'cake. Her long hair catches you know... the bad guys. This is Lemon Meringue. She's SO fast to catch... you know, the bad guys. This is Under Boy (old superhero of the boys'). He wears his underwear. That's all he does. But we like him."
April 4: Elliot: "Wow! On Sonic (X Box), I got a shipload of points." Long, pointed look from me. "What? Like you could fill a ship or something.... no?" Shake my head. "Oops, sorry."
February 21: From the playroom: Claire (5) calls out: "Mom, look what Charlotte (2) did!" Me: (peak in, see legos everywhere): "Charlotte, you're going to have to clean that up." Claire: (runs after me, hushed tones): "No, Mom. She built a person. Geez, I'm trying to focus on the good here." Slammed.
January 17: After red-faced chewing out my boys that I ended up having to clean their room after days of nagging them, my 8 yr old calmly said, "I guess what you say is right. You want something done right, you should do it yourself." How can I keep a straight face after THAT?
2011
December 26: Emergency of the imaginary friend kind, on our way to MT, Claire says, "Oh GREAT! We left Katy at home alone on my bed." Me: "It's ok. She's sleeping." Claire: "No, she was sick to her stomach before we left. She's probably throwing up all over my bed." Me: "Claire, it's ok." Claire (arms folded, mumbling), "Yeah, it's ok for you. It's not your bed she's throwing up on."
10/4: Claire: "Mom, let's play tea party. This time, I'll be mom and you'll be a really old mom and gramma, ok? Cheers! A toast! Here's to, I hope you don't die soon even though you're super old and tired. It's ok if you do die, though. But hopefully not during our tea party, though. Cheers!"
10/21: Elliot went from soccer novice to soccer pro this fall. Ever humble, "At first, I was the worst on the team... now they can't live without me."
9/17: "Laying in his bed with arms folded behind his head, Elliot was peacefully basking in the glow of a very good day. He said, "I don't know what I remember best from today: my baptism or getting my very first goal in a soccer game. No, I know. The goal. Definitely for sure."
9/15: Sternly, I tried to explain to Claire that if she jumped from something high, she could hit her head and possibly die, Claire said, "Woah. That would be bad. But then I'd get to see Jesus. I just can't decide!"
8/10: Because I have a flip camera, and I mentioned it's one of Oprah's favorite things, Elliot said, "You're just like Oprah! Except you're not a hit sensation. No offense!"
8/5: Jenny: "I don't know. My mind isn't working today." Elliot: "That happens to you a lot of days."
8/1: After some squabbling on the way to tennis, from the back of the car comes the voice of reason -- Elliot. "I thought we were going to the park to have fun, not to have emotions."
7/18: Takiaka smoothie! Claire informed us of the takiaka fruit which organized in Japan but grows in Thailand and Mexico. She taught us how to make smoothies... secret recipe: involves the takiaka, clementines, strawberries, pina colada mix and a few dashes of secret spices.. and Elliot is ready to incorporate the idea. HBA, here he comes!
7/1: What a rare treat for my children when I shower! Charlotte (2) said, "You so clean and pretty! You smell like a butterfly!"
6/3: Claire (getting out of the pool after swimming lessons): "Mom, why did you wear your swimming suit while I was in lessons?" Me: "I was getting a little sun" (btw, I had shorts on) Claire: "Ok, but maybe next time you could just keep your clothes on."
5/15: Claire to me: "You should really call your husband Cort, not Dad. It's just kindof gross. I mean, he's not your dad."
Claire: "Rufus thinks his dog bacon is people bacon." El: "I want some people bacon." Ethan:"We have bacon made out of people? Disgusting!"
4/24/2011: We got our dog: Rufus Xavier Sasparilla
4/2: Elliot told Claire that Elmo's parents are dead. Ask the boy for an explanation, he just shrugged his shoulders and said, "What? She has a right to know."
3/9: Claire's version of Row Your Boat includes: "Life's a Butter's Dream"
3/8: One stanza in Ethan's poem about the origins of citizenship in ancient Greece (written in November -- I saw it for the first time just this morning): "A citizen had to be a man/ He had to be born into the land/ Sorry girls, but way back then/ People with rights had to be men."
2/13: Claire to Charlotte: "Soon you'll be TWO! When I was two, I did a lot of bad things. But it was fun, though. You'll have fun doing bad things, too! Won't you, Char-Char? Won't you?" Charlotte nods vigorously.
1/21: About an hour after I told her she couldn't really wear make up till she's 16, Claire (4) said in a forlorn fashion, "16 seems very far away." Prediction: Not the only time she utters that sentence.
1/27: Life w/ a sardonic 10yrold: Me (cleaning furiously): "If we could all just put pencils away in the pencil cup, we wouldn't have any problems." Ethan: "In the world? Unlikely."
1/31: As we watched the snowstorm from the warmth of the couch under fuzzy blankets, Claire sat up and shrieked, "Let's get that tree back up! It's Christmas again!"
You realize your kids are getting older when the flashlights around the house actually have lasting battery life.
1/11/11: Shut myself into the garage, and got locked out of my house today. Knocked on the door to have my 4 year old let me in, and she said in her deepest voice: "Friend or foe?" Looks like my stranger danger lectures are sinking in.
1/7: Playing board games with Claire - Me: "You're very lucky at this game." Her: "It's not luck. It's brains."
1/1: Ethan and Cort shook me awake from my happy slumber in the chair to tell me happy new years. I'm short sheeting both their beds today. Wait, one of those beds is mine... doh!
2010
12/26: Ethan, trying to rationalize his bragging: "My awesomeness is like lotion. It's meant to be rubbed in."
11/26: Elliot (7) made our pumpkin pie all by himself (with the tiniest bit of help by dad) yesterday. While describing the recipe, he told our dinner guests: "It called for an 1/8th tsp of clones (sic - means cloves), but I put an extra pinch in. That's my secret."
11/10: Claire is horrified; Elliot told her Elmo's parents are dead. Ask boy for an explanation, he says, "What?! She has a right to know."
11/9: Anyone need naming their baby ideas? Elliot: "You should never name a baby Medusa. You run the risk of having her born with snakes for hair."
11/1: Asked Ethan what he wants for Christmas, his response: "That the earth's water and air be purified."
10/28: Claire just came flying out of her room in her Snow White costume and stated, "Halloween comes but once a year!"
10/29: Claire's version of I belong to the Church includes "His truth I will complain" (supposed to be 'proclaim').
9/21: Me: (yawning) I am so tired today. Ethan: Welcome to my world.
9/1: Claire, upon my handing her slightly watered down apple juice: "You sure this isn't pee?" You're welcome.
8/26: After a very long week of Cort working long hours, Claire declared, "I've decided Daddy is my new imaginary friend."
8/23: Heading into Claire's room to help her clean up, I told her to grab her undies (because we just bought her a new package at the store) and follow me to her room. Without questioning it, she just grabbed her bottom and ran the whole way.
8/28. Elliot (coming out of the bathroom): "I can't believe how gross the bathtub is after baths. All grimey and disgusting." Me: "You can always go clean it if it's upsetting you." Elliot: "No, no, no. I'm sure you'll get aroung to it. You're usually pretty good about that sortof thing."
8/23: Me (admiring the red kale I bought at Sunflower market): "Smell this beautiful kale!" Claire: "Smells good." Me: "Can't you not wait to eat it?" Claire (looking at me in disgust): "Are you a kind of crazy or something?" She thinks it's a flower.
7/6: Claire: "Mom, will you have some more babies when I have some babies? You know, so we can take 'em to the park together and talk to each other and be friends?"
6/30: Me: "What are the boys watching?" Claire: "I don't know. Avatar or some other such nonsense."
June17, 2010 "Charlotte's eyelashes are sooo long. We'd better cut them."
At Disneyland: Cort (to Elliot): "So, was Disneyland all you expected it to be?" Elliot: "Maybe a little worse." Didn't like a lot of the rollercoasters that his adrenaline junkie brother loved.
On the ride home from CA: Claire, watching the Heffalump movie: "I'm Lumpy, and Charlotte is Roo." Elliot (heard wrong): "No, you're rude. Charlotte's grumpy."
5/24: Claire (frustrated that her Capri Sun is empty): "Well, isn't that just stupid! Hear that, world? I think it's stupid!" Ahh, tantrum threes.
5/20: Claire (talking mostly to herself while eating her lunch of mac'n'cheese): "I'm growing like a grandma. Grandmas grow out, but they don't grow up."
5/11: Me: "Elliot, would you like to have absolutely no responsibilities in this house (I had a plan with this)? Elliot: "I didn't know that was an option."
5/5: talking about Ethan's incredible den mother at the dinnertable. Mentioned that Grandma Zenda was a den mother once. Claire looked a little left out of the conversation so Ethan said: "Maybe you'll be a den mother someday." Claire: "No thank you. I don't want to be dead."
5/1: Claire has 1 Barbie. One. And I didn't give it to her. We don't watch Barbie videos, etc. etc. But of course, it is the forbidden fruit for Claire. Honestly, it's not forbidden, but it's just not my favorite (another Claire phrase). So she loves the one Barbie she has, but she doesn't quite have the name right. Claire said today, as she came into my room: "Mommy, I just love my Barbara. She's my favorite. [My friend] has so many Barbaras. She's my best friend."
4/29: Elliot: "Tomorrow I have to bring snack. Let's have pizza delivered." Me: "What?!" Elliot: "It's almost the end of the year, and I really want to wow them."
4/28: Today, we tried some role playing, to address Claire's fear of wind. Me (as Claire): I'm so scared of the wind... but do you think it can hurt me?" Claire: "There, there. Don't be scared. Wind can't hurt you. But funder (thunder)... funder is the one you should be scared of. It will mess you up."
4/26: Claire: "Mom, what does 'married' mean?" She got me. I'm stumped.
4/22: I fear sarcasm is too pervasive in our house. Ethan has been challenged by his parents to keep his room clean until his birthday (May 9). Elliot's only responsibility in shared room is making his bed in the morning. Day 2 of the challenge, Ethan and Elliot were getting their shoes on, getting ready for school. Ethan: "Elliot, thanks for making your bed this morning." Elliot looks over, crestfallen. "I DID make my bed this morning. Go on, check." Ethan, confused. "No, I know. That's why I'm saying thank you." Maybe I've done one too many "Thanks a lot for setting the table, guys..."
4/17: First, in March 2003, I asked the then-2 1/2 year old Ethan, "Why do you like Barney so much?" Ethan: "Because, Mom, he's a Dinosaurus Rex (sic). One day he might eat those kids." Today, Claire found a Barney video on netflix instant viewing and loved it. So I asked her the same question I had asked Ethan. Her reply: "Because he's a Tyrannosaurus Rex, but he talks like a GOOFball!" True story.
3/20: Claire, helping feed Charlotte: "I wonder if Charlotte knows that I'm her mommy now."
3/11: On our way to Rhett and Patty's house (we haven't seen them for almost 2 years). Ethan: " I'm wondering if I'll laugh or cry when I see Cole and Josie." Elliot: "I can't wait for them to get a load of me!"
Woah! Haven't done this forever!
2/3: Claire (in the car): "I love Jesus. The big Jesus. The Daddy Jesus. The baby Jesus? I don't know how I feel about him. He's cute, I guess." This is exactly how she is in the car, just talking nonstop, not waiting for responses, just stream of consciousness all the way. Yes, she reminds me of my sister.
2/1: Elliot told this story in the car after coming home from school where he was working with 2nd graders on 2nd grade math. He said, "So I solved the problems really fast and the kids all were saying, 'Wait, what? Explain that again.' And I just said to them, 'Hey, you wanna roll with me, you better just hang on for the ride." To this, Ethan hid a chuckle and said, "I bet you did, buddy. I bet you did."
2/3: Another in the car story: Claire (mad about driving while it's raining/snowing outside): "You know, one day I'll be the mommy, and I'll have a van, and I'll drive the car and do the music (that is, control the car CD player/radio) and I'll buy a car seat for you! And I'll make you sit back here, and I'll strap you in and say, "Now Mommy, just sit still and be QUIET!" I will, Mommy. Just wait. You'll see."
1/25: When asked what Elliot and his friends do at recess: "Mostly we just folk around." Wha?
2009
12/10: Me: "After doctor's appointment (yearly checkup), I'm going to take you to school, Elliot." Elliot: "Oh, I thought I'd stay home after and give you a hand with the kids."
1/23: Pine Wood Derby -- Color guard: "The audience may rise." Elliot (in the back, in his lowest voice): "from the dead." (various fathers snickering around us)
Whenever Claire gets upset: "Well, I never!"
12/8: Ethan was explaining to me about how the American soldiers fought in the Revolution using camoflauge and hiding in the forests, etc. and how the British soldiers called them sissies. Ethan: "When it comes to life and death, I'd rather be a sissy than a real man." There's that MIT spirit! (thank you Cristie for the commentary on that one)
12/9: Claire: "I'm Grampa's dog, Sug." Elliot: "You know what that means, don't you, Claire?" Claire: "Yes, everybody loves me and want to hold me!" Elliot: "No, it means you have to poop in the backyard."
12/8: Claire was hounding me this morning to put a costume on her (not winter-friendly). Finally, after the 4th "no", I said, "You're not going to have a fit about this, are you?" And she said, "Hmm. That depends."
12/4: After having some dental work done this morning, I was pretty slack jawed with novacaine. Claire: "What's wrong with your face, Mama?" I tried to explain as I slobbered and drooled all over myself. Then she said, "What's wrong with your mouth, Mama?" Before I could try to answer, Cort kissed her good bye as he was about to rush off to work. Claire grabbed his coat, then whispered desperately to him: "You're going to leave me here with her?"
11/10: Me teasing Claire: "But you said you're the mommy." Claire: "I'm not the mommy!" Me: "But you said you were." Claire: "I say a lot of things."
11/4: Me: "So have you learned anything new in kindergarden?" Elliot: (thinks for a long minute): "Well, I've learned that hardly anybody in my class can read."
11/4: Claire and I walking to the car from the grocery store. Preface: Sticking with our Wizard of Oz theme, we've been listening to the Wicked soundtrack in the car... a lot. Claire: "I don't think I want to be popular." Me: "Yeah, being popular isn't important." Random female passerby: "Right on!"
11/2: Ethan: "I need to call Carrie. I finished Hugo Cabret and I have to talk to her about it."
11/2: Mom, holding out her jack o lantern of candy: "Ok, Claire, just pick one." Claire takes the entire jack o lantern from me.
10/31: Elliot: "I think my favorite part of trick or treating is all the exercise you get."
10/28: Mom: "So, Elliot, do you like nap time at school?" Elliot: "Oh yeah. It's nice to take a load off."
10/15: Elliot was describing rice krispies to Claire: "Oh, you'll love them. Rice krispies, marshmallows, basically sugar. Priceless."
September wasn't a funny month.
8/24: "Elliot walking home from his summer-long anticipated 1st day of k: "Only 4 more days till Saturday."
P-pops: what Claire calls her flip flops. What's funny is "p-pops" is what now we ALL call flip flops. Except Elliot. He just gets annoyed with us.
7/6: Nursing a newborn, I'm constantly asking the boys to bring me this or that -- the telephone or a glass of water. Today, as Elliot handed me the phone: "You told us that newborns are helpless, but moms are pretty helpless, too."
6/20: Who says diamonds are a girl's best friend? This is how Claire sings that line from "Twinkle Twinkle": "Up above the world so high/ Like a donut in the sky". Ah, the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.
6/26: Dinner talk leaves something to be desired in our home. Tonight for example, Elliot taught the family all that he's learned about breastfeeding in the last two weeks (he's asked me a million questions). After a few moments of inevitable uncomfortable silence that followed his discourse, Elliot mused in a slightly disgusted but curious tone: "What if we milked Mom?"
6/14: Ethan was helping Elliot with something and it annoyed Elliot, and Elliot slapped him. Dad intervenes with some stern words. After, Dad: "So, do you want me to help you, Elliot?" Elliot (clearly penitent): "Yes please." Dad: "If I do, will you slap me in the face?" Elliot (reassuringly): "No. I can't reach that high."
6/1: Claire comes running into my room, having been watching tv with brothers. Claire: "There's bad guys!" Me: "Are you scared?" Claire: "No, it's just a TV show."
6/1: Since I've given up on the idea that this baby will be born anytime soon, and I'm unfit to be in the outside world, I decided to watch TV with the kids this morning. I'm trying to keep up with TMNT and I said, "Oh, so that character is Splinter?" Elliot said, "Yes, but we call him Master Splinter -- out of respect."
5/25: After eating his breakfast cereal, Elliot put his hands together and said, "Now I have a little matter to attend to." He then walked into the family room and turned on the tv. Ah, summer.
5/10: Elliot gave a talk on Sunday, and I got a shout out at the end: "I love my family and I love my mom on Mother's day." Yes!
5/8: My fetal girth prohibits me from reaching up above the dryer and getting the cereal storage, so I had to take our longest knife and poke the box to bring it down. Ethan watched me do this, and then he exclaimed, "Mom, you're a cereal killer!"
5/4: Elliot and Ethan came in from playing outside -- both very excited. Elliot: "Mom, we came up with superhero names for everyone in the family!! I'm Electric Boy, Ethan's The Cougar, Claire's Supergirl, Dad is MasterMind, and you're Shapeshifter!" Then I made a very Marge-like groan.
4/12: At church, I was fussing with Claire's hairdo, and said I: "Claire, you're so pretty." She sternly replied: "No, Mama. I'm good." I like this. I'm so happy she's prioritized goodness over beauty.
4/5: After a day spent playing Ninjas with Dad, Dad finally tired of it. Dad: "Let's play another game." Elliot (disappointed): "Fine. Let's play Battleship." (big grin suddenly spreads across his face, and then, with deep foreboding in his voice) "... of Ninjas."
4/2: Elliot (watching me sweep the kitchen floor): It's a good thing grown ups like to do all the boring jobs in the world."
4/1: Elliot: Maybe we could go to a jungle sometime." Me: "Maybe you'll go to a jungle on your mission." Elliot: "No, I want to do it when I'm young."
3/27: (On our way to the Children's Museum) Elliot (excited): "I think I'm going to like this the same as I like how hot dogs taste."
3/22: Ethan's interpretation of Exodus 20:12 that he stated during sharing time at church today: "Honor thy father and thy mother and thy days will be numbered." On the way home, Cort and I corrected him. "Honor thy father and thy mother OR thy days will be numbered." Ethan liked his interpretation better.
3/12: Claire was looking at a picture of Jesus. Me: "Who's that?" Claire: "Jesus." Me: "Who's Jesus?" Claire: "A Jew." I am NOT kidding. I'm thinkin' that it's not exactly what she meant to say, but who am I to say? And even if I am not to be trusted, Cort was there and he's a witness and he could barely believe it himself.
2/15: We're watching Wipeout, a show where athletes do ridiculous dangerous stunts. One man fell down on an incredibly hard maneuver, and Elliot said, "What a goober!" and Cort said, "He's grandpa's age." And Elliot said, "Oh. What an old goober."
1/31: Ethan jumped up and played his last quarter, amazing how kids recover. Ethan's team beat the opposition (which played mean and dirty, IMO) 27:26. It was a nail-biter -- The last 3 minutes, our team scored the last vital points, including a beautiful free throw -- they're 8 and 9 year olds! The proud parents were more excited than the kids, I think, and we all milled around afterward talking about how great the game was. The entire ride home, Ethan was so happy, and kept saying, "We smoked 'em. I can't believe we smoked 'em!"
1/31: Ethan's basketball game. Right after half time, Ethan was fouled and was injured, and his coach came out and picked him up and brought him to the bench. Everyone clapped for Ethan, and I couldn't help but think they sure don't get this treatment in the NBA.
1/30: Elliot: "Valentines rule!!" I just like his interjections.
1/26: Mom: "Who loves Claire?" Claire: "I do!"
1/15: Grocery store. Elliot: "Mom, I just can't believe these low, low prices."
1/12: I beat Guitar Hero III on Medium. I know it's nothing my kids said, but it's childish, so I thought it belonged here.
1/12: After a night of Lego Indiana Jones with Ethan and Dad, Elliot said: "Whew, I'm tired after all that bravery."
1/10: Ethan complimented me after the primary quartlerly activity I was in charge of. He said: "It was so fun, and hardly lame at all."
1/10: Ethan was in his first basketball game today! His team did so great -- beat the other team handily from 30 to 12. First thing he said to me after the game, "Did you notice I was in the starting lineup?"
1/10: I was trying to beat Lou in Guitar Hero III battle today, and Elliot said, "Spank my bottom, that looks hard."
1/9: I was leaving the house today, and Elliot gave me a huge hug and said happily, "Bye, Mom. I love you. Have a good time in Heaven until I get there." Then he danced and skipped away from me, turned to me again and said, "Don't worry. I'll miss you." I keep thinking, maybe he knows something I don't know...
1/1: Ethan was the only one who stayed up until midnight for New Years Eve. He said he watched hours of Spiderman on Cartoon Network while Dad snoozed on the couch (the other kids and I had been in bed for hours). He said he nudged Dad awake right as the ball was dropping, and then they jumped up and down and whisper-screamed how excited they were for 2009.
2008
12/13: I have officially turned into my mother. Ethan smirked and walked away from me after a snarky conversation. I then said, "Wipe that mouth off your face, please." He looked at me wryly and said, "And just how am I supposed to do that?"
12/11: At a multi international food court. Elliot: "I don't want Chinese food. Where's the Mormon food?"
11/20: As you can see our playlist, we're all into the Christmas music already. Elliot was caught singing, "Jesus Baby" instead of "Santa Baby." Hmm.
10/26: Cort: "Are you guys excited for your primary program today?" Elliot & Ethan (very enthusiastically): "Yeah!" Me: "Elliot, say your line." Elliot (hangs his head instantly): "Ok. I'm lying."
10/22: The day after losing his front tooth due to blunt force with an airport chair, Me: Elliot, do you want to go to school today?" Elliot: (shakes his head): I'm afraid I'll frighten the other children." Awwww.
10/5: Thomas Monson said, "Say 'I love you' more." Immediately both boys turn to me and one says, "I love you more." And the other says, "No, I love you MORE!" And both crack up that they both played this joke together totally impromptu. These two will be friends forever.
9/29: Ethan is deliriously happy the dog is back, despite the many reasons we thought we should find her a new home. This morning, Ethan said: "Y'know, Poocheena may be a pain in the butt, but she's a pain in OUR butt."
9/27: (Claire and I standing in the hall looking into her room) Me: Claire, go clean your room. Claire (promptly shuts the door, then looks at me with a smile) "All done."
9/26: (Watching the debate) Me: Yea Obama! Claire (runs up to me, indignant, pointing to him on the screen): No! 'E's a dada."
9/26 Ethan's teacher told me that at the beginning of the year, she asked them each to write an essay, "What I'll be doing in 20 years." Ethan wrote: "In 20 years, I'll be just finishing up my PhD." She and I weren't surprised, but I was upset -- did Cort and I's lectures teach him NOTHING last year??
9/26: Ethan and Elliot and the neighbors were playing "grown ups." Elliot and the neighbor claimed the playhouse in the backyard to live in. Ethan said, "That's ok. I don't live in a house. I live at the laboratory."
9/23: Sometimes it ain't even my kid. A neighbor boy (4) was over and ran in from the backyard and reported: "Your dog almost scratched me." I said, "OK. I'd better shoot it. Go get my gun." The boy (poised to run): "Which one?"
9/22: I show alarm that a police is flashing its lights behind me. But before it flew past me, Elliot (with an air of unconcern and maybe even a hint of enjoyment): "Are the cops comin' to get ya?"
9/20: Elliot (woke up crazy scared in the middle of the night): There's a voice in my room saying, 'Fire fire fire fire' over and over. He's going to get me!" Cort went into their room and sure enough, their ceiling fan was humming in a way that you could hear, 'fire, fire fire' really slowly. We have a demonic ceiling fan!
9/8: Elliot (to the dog): No, Poocheena. My hand is not for eating. It is not food."
9/7: On a walk with Dad and Ethan, Elliot kept saying to neighbors outside: "Hey everybody! Say hello to the birthday boy!" Meaning him.
8/31: Elliot was rhyming at the dinner table, and happened to come upon "hellhole" which he said repeatedly with such whimsy and fun, Ethan thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. Cort calmly explained what it meant, and Elliot immediately waved heavenward, and called out, "Sorry, Jesus! I didn't mean it!! I had no idea!"
Days gone by: Elliot (3) fretting about me dying. Ethan (trying to calm him down): "Don't worry, Elliot. It won't happen for a long long time. Not until she's a grandma." Without a moment's pause, Elliot responded: "Well, then, I'm NEVER having any kids."
Friday 8/22: Elliot and CORT were playing in the formal living room, which I'm constantly nagging everyone not to do. Me (mostly trying to get Cort's attention): "Are you two playing in here?" Elliot: "No, Mom. This is just imagination practice." Check out three posts down: I'm sensing a pattern here.
8/17: (Elliot reading a comic book, then notices Claire flipping through the Book of Mormon Stories): Elliot: "Aahhhhh, Claire. You're so lucky. You're reading a true book, and I'm just reading a fake book."
8/16: (Elliot was resting with me, then sneezes), Me (indignant): Did you just sneeze on my face? Elliot: (nods and snuggles) "Just think of it as invisible fireworks."
8/14: Ethan (after two days at a new school) "So I wonder when they'll make me think."
8/1: (still trying to agree on a pet -- Cort not wanting a ferocious dog) Cort: What about a parakeet? Those things are sweet.." Ethan: "Are you kidding? Those things could peck your teeth out!"
8/1: (Boys want a dog and are trying to convince Cort to get one.) Jakson: "You could get one to protect you. You could get one half wolf, half dog like White Fang." Cort: "If we're talking about getting imaginary dogs, I want to get one that will make my dinner." Elliot (horrified): "No, Dad, we want to get a dog for a pet."
7/30: after lunch. Me: "Put your dishes in the dishwasher." Elliot insistently tries to hand it to me, while I refuse to accept it, and just look at him blankly. He keeps pushing it to me. Elliot: "Well, aren't you the... oh yeah. We got an electric one," and goes over to the dishwasher and puts it in. *Sigh*
7/25/08: arriving at the reunion. It was an old church converted into a community center. Jakson: "So is this place haunted or just old?"
7/28/08: Zoo. The kangaroos were pretty much all laying down, which honestly did make them look like really lumpy deer. Jakson cried, "What IS that messed up animal?" He laughed when he found out it was a kangaroo.
on the road trip: Mom: "I want some quiet now." (bit of silence) Elliot: "Would you like some peace with that?"
7/15/08: Elliot has begun to start every story he tells, "Ok, so listen..." It doesn't sound that funny here, but he sounds like a Tony Soprano thug when he says it, so it is.
5/29/08: Dad: "What's the rule about peeing?" Elliot: "No peeing on my hands." Dad: "What else?" Elliot: "No peeing on the floor." Dad: "What else?" Elliot: "No peeing on my dad." Dad: "Right." All I have to say is, what HAPPENED while I was away?
5/20/08: Elliot (musing on the villains in Sonic the Hedgehog, Dr. Eggman and Dr. Robotnik): "I think the reason evil scientists become evil is because they work too hard."
5/18/08 Ethan: "If Claire were a Pokemon character, she'd have scratch, bite, and rage."
5/15/08: Elliot had tried a new work at school and was talking about it with his friend Jade Mei on the ride home, and said, "It's hard, but it's not like writing a thesis."
days gone by: Ethan, age 5: "How old were you when you had me?" Me: "Almost 23." Ethan: "Are you sad you lived so long without me?"
days gone by: Ethan, age 4: "I prefer my strawberries with no salad on top."
5/13/08: Elliot: 'So, I go to school for a half day, and Ethan goes for a whole day, and Dad goes to work for two whole days, every single day.'
5/12/08: (After getting in trouble) Elliot: 'That was a little bit rude, Mom.' Me: 'Well, you were a little bit rude yourself.' Elliot: 'Well, but you were a lot rude.'

rainbows in the high desert air

Monday, February 23, 2009

Elliotisms

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"Let a Hundred Flowers Bloom"

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